I find myself thinking a lot about God and the role religion is supposed to play in the world. And I’m not happy. I wish that God would do more to help those who cry out to him for relief from their suffering. I wish that the Church would do a better job at reflecting the love and light of Christ and stop failing the people so miserably. And I wish I were a better follower of Christ myself and could be less selfish and self-serving.
But God is who God is. The Church is who she is. And I am who I am. I will never fully understand God. The Church will always be flawed. And I will continue to struggle with my own demons, sin, and shortcomings until the day I die. Nevertheless, I have found this to be true as well: my faith and relationship with God has filled my heart with a peace that surpasses understanding, with joy I could not produce on my own, with love like no other, and with meaning and purpose in a chaotic world that sometimes seems bent on its own destruction.
There is so much in this world and in myself that I wish were different, and so much more that I would like God to do, but I cannot imagine grappling with life’s challenges without God’s help, guidance, and encouragement. Though I have had to swallow the bitter pill of disillusionment and disappointment with God, religious leaders, and even with myself, my faith keeps evolving and producing hope—only now in more realistic ways.
I now understand better that Jesus did not come to solve all our problems for us, at least not in this life. Rather, he came to show us the way to God and the way to know, love, and serve God in our daily lives, as we struggle along with the rest of humanity with all that is wrong with our troubled world. The more I let go of what I cannot change and what God chooses not to change, and instead focus on God’s priorities of loving God and neighbor, the more God seems to appear. The more I shift my focus from asking God to fix everything to seeking wisdom, ability, and opportunities to grow through my adversity and to serve others instead of myself, the more I truly believe that we flawed human beings can still make a difference. Living by faith and God’s love is both our calling and our opportunity to “not be overcome by evil,” but to “overcome evil with good” (Romans 12:9-21).
On my 66th birthday this past week, my loving wife, Jill, gave me a special tour of the beautifully restored south transept of the Chartres Cathedral in France. Among the many splendors were stained glass windows depicting many Old Testament prophets and New Testament Apostles, such as Peter and Paul. I was particularly drawn to the window of Micah (pictured above), who summed up God’s requirements for human beings in the familiar command to “do justice, love mercy, and walk humbly with our God” (Micah 6:8). I was also touched by a window portraying two doctors (pictured below), who were being honored for treating the needy for free and sharing the Gospel with those who did not know the way of salvation.
Outside, on the south porch is a tall, striking sculpture of Jesus, le Beau Dieu (the Beautiful God). He’s holding the Book of Life and is surrounded by his disciples, almost all of whom gave their lives to share the Gospel and bear witness to the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus. Underneath him is a much smaller sculpture of a wealthy donor, accompanied by two assistants, who are busy distributing bread to the hungry.
What a perfect combination of images: Prophets and apostles, who teach us about our Creator’s intention for humanity and who show us the way to God. Powerful and privileged members of society, who nonetheless demonstrate their Christian faith by generously serving the needy, at their own expense. Jesus—the way, the truth, and the life (John 14:6)— alongside a faithful follower of Jesus, who shows us what faith looks like when those who are blessed with abundance are surrounded by those who lack the basic necessities for living.
Suddenly the pieces came together for me. It was all there. In the windows and the sculptures, the answer to my broken, anguished heart. Light. Life. Love. Hope. My tears began to flow. Some emotional dam broke. It never felt better to let it all out.
Despite all that is wrong with the world, the Church, and me, and despite all my disillusionment, frustration and disappointment, the message of the Gospel is as relevant today as ever. There are countless individuals who are sacrificially serving others with kindness, compassion, and mercy. The power and presence of God are real. Christ does transform lives. There’s still a way forward for me.
“Lord, thank you for another year and for the precious gifts from your Holy Spirit this morning. Please hold me close to you especially when I begin to doubt and feel so discouraged. Help me to see and accept the life-giving messages of the prophets and apostles. Help me to keep my eyes on Jesus, my heart open to the needs of those around me, and my hands busy serving others. May your will be done more and more.”
The Spirit-Led Leader 