Category Archives: Spirit-Led Living

Articles on how to grow spiritually and how to flow better with the Holy Spirit’s leading in your life

by | October 17, 2025 · 10:51 am

Coping with Overwhelming Distress

Part Three: Be Hopeful

“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peacewill be with you” (Philippians 4:8-9).

Strategy #3: “Be Hopeful. Focus on what God is doing. Not on what God is not doing.”

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve asked myself, full of frustration and distress over yet another report of abuse, exploitation, or horrific destruction of lives, “Where is God?” Yet, when I start spiraling downward in my mind and emotions, I have to remind myself that this line of thinking isn’t going to help me or anyone else.

Instead of focusing on everything that is wrong in the world, it’s much better when I look for and concentrate on all that is right. Instead of letting myself become frustrated with all that God is not doing that I would like him to do, it is so much more life-giving to look for and focus on all the signs of God’s goodness, care, and blessing.

As one recent example, a woman shared again with me how much pain and suffering she’s had to endure because of being sexually abused as a child and again as an adult. The damage done was profound. Her life has been irreparably scarred. Yet, I’m sharing her story with you, because of what God has been doing in her life through her long process of seeking healing. After attending two retreats for abused women and men, I saw hope in her eyes and heard strength in her voice, which I had not seen or heard in a long time. She has no answers for why God allowed this abuse to take place, but in contemplating the suffering of Jesus Christ, while being gently guided by trained facilitators and a therapist, she’s been experiencing God’s loving, transforming presence in ways she once thought impossible.

Here’s another example from a few weeks ago: With only three to six months to live, a dear friend of mine shared how he’s been experiencing God amid his losing battle to cancer. In hospice, with a tube permanently inserted into his nostril and an IV attached to his arm, he told me that he felt a great sense of peace despite recurring moments of great pain. He has reconciled with his sister, has been supported daily by family and people from his church, and is confident that his life is secure in God’s hands through his faith in Jesus. Little did he or I know that that his final day would come much sooner than expected. Instead of three to six months to live, he died just a few days before I wrote this post, less than one month after our initial conversation. God did not heal him or spare him from pain, but God was present to him when he needed God’s peace and reassurance that he would spend eternity with his loving Lord in heaven. And for that he was deeply grateful.

Likewise, over the past couple weeks here in the borderlands between Myanmar and Thailand, I’ve heard many expressions of grief, frustration, anger, fear and hopelessness, just as I’ve heard in my ministry to people living in war zones and refugee camps elsewhere. But over and over again, my students, colleagues, and friends also speak about many unexpected blessings, too. Amid so much evil, loss, and pain, they also see God providing, sustaining, and encouraging them in many ways. And they, too, feel grateful.

The lesson in all this is clear to me. I may never understand why God doesn’t do more to help those who are suffering unjustly and cruelly, but the more we choose to focus on what is good, right, true, and lovely (Phil. 4:8-9)—hopeful aspects of life which derive from the goodness and love of God—the more peace, joy, and strength we’re going to experience from day to day.

As this three-part series draws to a close, I urge you to keep leaning on your faith in Christ and relationship with God as you seek to cope with whatever overwhelming distress you may be experiencing. And always remember these three tips, which have been so helpful to me personally:

  1. Be self-compassionate. Take good care of yourself. Seek refreshment in the Lord.
  2. Be constructive. Focus on what you can do, not on what you can’t. And,
  3. Be hopeful. Focus on what God is doing, not on what God is not doing.

And the God of peace will be with you.

With the love of Jesus Christ,

Dr. Tim

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by | September 12, 2025 · 11:24 am

Coping with Overwhelming Distress

Part Two: Be Constructive

In my previous blog post, I talked about the importance of self-compassion as a key strategy in coping with overwhelming distress in our lives. In this post, I offer a second strategy, which I’ve observed among those who are successfully managing the stresses of living in war zones and refugee camps. This strategy has also been very helpful to me personally when I feel overwhelmed by the magnitude of horrors and need in my own country and around the world.

Strategy #2: “Be constructive. Focus on what you can do (not on what you can’t).”

Sometimes, the staggering needs of others feels crushing to me. I see the horrible things happening all over the world. I certainly want to help, but I don’t know where to start or how I could possibly make a lasting difference. It seems that whatever I do will only be a drop in the bucket in an ocean full of suffering and need. I start to feel overwhelmed, and my emotional distress gets bigger and bigger.

But Jesus showed us by his example that we don’t have to respond this way.

There’s a story in the Gospels that says so much about who Jesus was and how we might respond to the immense needs of others today. Jesus and his disciples had given so much of themselves in their ministries. They were hungry, tired, and needed a break. On top of it, Jesus was reeling from the tragic death of his cousin and fellow evangelist, John the Baptizer, who had been cruelly beheaded by King Herod. As they made their way by boat across the Sea of Galilee in search of a quiet place to rest, they discovered a huge crowd of people who had traveled by land ahead of them. And this is how Jesus responded:

“When Jesus landed and saw a large crowd, he had compassion on them, because they were like sheep without a shepherd. So he began teaching them many things” (Mark 6:34).

When Jesus saw how needy the people were, his heart went out to them. And then he took action. In this situation, he responded by teaching them many things, which would have included how God loved them and called them to trust and obey God’s will for their lives, and he would have explained what that meant in practice in their marriages, families, and communities. On other occasions, he would heal the sick, cast out demons, advocate on behalf of the oppressed, work miracles, provide forgiveness, or simply offer a kind, gracious comment or gesture toward someone who needed mercy or encouragement.

What he didn’t do was let himself become overwhelmed by the immensity of their need or by the widespread suffering caused by injustice, oppression, and lack of adequate spiritual guidance. No matter how distressed he may have been by what he saw that day on the shore and throughout his lifetime, he kept his focus on God and on what he could do to help. He didn’t allow the extent of the problems throughout society or the evil deeds of others to undermine his own faith and his zeal for fulfilling God’s good purposes for his life.

None of us is Jesus, but with God’s help, we can learn to detach from feeling so overwhelmed by all the needs and suffering in the world. Through prayer and the Holy Spirit’s working in our hearts and minds, we can replace our anxious stewing with compassion, which sees and cares about the concerns of others but does not take on emotional burdens that do not belong to us. Instead of sinking under the weight of our distress, we can instead focus on taking action as the Holy Spirit leads and enables us. We will assess our abilities, knowledge, skills, resources, and opportunities that God gives us, and then take action.

Theological students with Jill and me in a refugee camp

One of my theological students (pictured on the far left above), whose home state in Myanmar is currently being torn apart by war, posted this advice online recently: “Think positive. Act positive.” He’s right on, of course. While he could easily succumb to self-pity or overwhelming distress from all the horrors and destruction his people are experiencing, he is choosing to maintain a positive mental attitude and to put his energy into constructive action. For example, he cares for his widowed mother, looks after four younger siblings, and has organized a dormitory for high school aged students from his ethnic group, who live and attend school inside one of the refugee camps in Thailand, all while taking courses at the seminary where I teach. Think positive. Act positive. It makes a difference.

Of course, every time I read about another bombing, more families driven into the jungles, or someone else mistreated or killed, my heart breaks or my anxiety spikes. But I’ve learned the hard way that I just can’t afford to let someone else’s tragedy turn into an emotional catastrophe for me. Taking on too much responsibility for the problems of others doesn’t help them, and it only hurts me.

As you continue to search for ways to cope better with your overwhelming distress, don’t be afraid to feel compassion for those in need or who are suffering greatly. But learn how to care without being crushed. Let go of trying to carry something you were never meant to carry. Instead, think positive and act positive. Focus on what you can do, not on what you can’t.

May God guide you and enable you to let go of what is beyond your control and give you peace as you live, love and serve as God intends for you to do.

With the love of Jesus Christ,

Dr. Tim

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by | April 6, 2025 · 9:29 am

What kind of person do you want to be?

Charge to Kawthoolei Hope Theological Seminary graduates (March 30, 2025)

Graduates, congratulations! You’ve successfully completed your degree. And we’re here today to celebrate your great accomplishment. At the same time, as you probably know, graduation ceremonies are also called commencements. And that’s because, we are not only celebrating what you’ve achieved. We’re also marking the beginning of a new chapter in your life.  

After graduation, you are going to move from a time of academic learning to a new period for productive service in the Kingdom of God. With your education, you are now better prepared to move into positions of leadership, service or ministry—whether it is back in Kawthoolei and Burma or here in Thailand or somewhere else in the world. Wherever you go, you can be sure that you have important things to do and valuable contributions to make.

So, with your future in mind, I’m going to ask you three questions to help you go forward into this next chapter: Who are you? Who do you want to become? And how are you going to become that person?

Let’s take each of these three questions one at a time.

  1. Who are you?

All your lives, someone else has told you who you are. Your parents, your friends, the church, your teachers, and even your enemies. You’re a son or daughter. You’re Karen, Karenni, Chin, or some other ethnic group from Burma. All this is true, but who are you at the core of your being? Who are you in God’s eyes?

One of the things I’ve struggled with in my life is guilt and shame. Some of it is my own fault. I feel guilty about things I have done that I shouldn’t have done. Like sinning, disobeying God, hurting other people, and things like that. I also feel guilty about things I should have done but didn’t do. Like reaching out to someone who needed my help, or being more generous or sacrificial with my time and resources. I know nobody is perfect, but sometimes it’s hard to accept that I fall so short of the man, the husband, the father, the friend, the neighbor, that God wants me to be.

Shame is even more painful. According to psychologists, guilt is feeling bad about something I’ve done wrong. Shame is feeling like I am wrong. Whatever is wrong with me is unacceptable, and maybe unforgiveable. And when shame gets too intense, it becomes toxic. It poisons our minds. And the result is either, we just give up trying to be good. Or, we try and try and try to be as good as possible, or to accomplish as much as possible, or to impress other people as much as possible, trying to make ourselves feel better.

The only problem with trying to overcome shame by trying so hard is that it doesn’t work. Other people might be fooled, but we’re not fooled. We think we know the truth about ourselves: We’re bad, and there’s no hope for us. That’s what they call toxic shame.

Thank God, one day I attended a seminar on shame that set me free. The teacher explained that there is only one cure for toxic shame and that is the love and grace of God. I had to believe that God saw everything that was wrong with me, including all my sin, failures, and shortcomings. But he still loved me. Through Jesus, he forgave me. And what he wanted more than anything else was for me to believe him and to love him in return.

In that moment, I suddenly remembered the day my first son was born. I shared this story with some of you during the seminar last week. The nurse put my newborn son into my arms and without thinking I heard myself say to him, “No matter what you do in your life, I will always love you.” Remembering that moment in the middle of the seminar made me think, “If I could feel this much love for my son, how much more could my Creator love me!”

Two years later, my brother-in-law came up to me one day with a very strange question. He asked me, “Tim, who are you?” At first, I was taken aback. How am I supposed to answer a question like that? He knew me very well. I’m a man, a husband, a father, a minister, a teacher, an American. What kind of answer was he looking for? I said a quick silent prayer, because I knew this question was very important to him for some reason, and I wanted God’s help. Then, suddenly the answer came to me. Who am I? I am loved. That’s who I am.

2. My second question, as you enter this new chapter in your life, is who do you want to become?

Some of you already have plans and commitments. Some of you are still uncertain about what you’re going to do after graduation and how God is calling you. But apart from whatever role you’re going to play in your family, church, school, or community, who does God want you to become?

According to the Apostle Paul, in Ephesians 2:10, if you have put your faith in God’s grace, as we have been talking about tonight, you are now “God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus, to do good works, which God prepared in advance for you to do.” In other words, the person God wants you to become is the person God is already creating you to be. 

In his letter to the Galatians, Paul said that God’s calling is not to try to impress other people with your religiosity, accomplishments, status, cleverness, skills, or anything else like that. Rather, he said, in effect, none of that matters, because “what counts is a new creation” (Gal. 6:15b). What he meant was that through Christ’s presence in your heart and mind, you now can become more and more like him (Rom 8:29). Through the filling and leading of the Holy Spirit, you can discern all the good work that God intends for you to do. In other words, the person God wants you to become is not more full of yourself. It’s to become more full of Jesus.

It’s that simple. I didn’t easy, I just said simple. God’s vision for you is to become more and more like Jesus Christ in your heart, mind, and behavior—that’s what makes you a new creation. And with Christ at the center of your life, you will draw on your education, intelligence, skills, personality, and opportunities to do all the good works that intends for you to do.   

3. This leads us to our third question: How are you going to become this person—the new Christ-like creation that God has called you to become?

By now, you know that it is not easy to think and act like Jesus. Every one of us has to deal with temptations, human weakness, forces of evil, and so many other limitations and challenges. Sometimes, we feel confused and unsure of how to best serve God’s purposes.

Fortunately, there is an answer. And we find it in Paul’s letter to the Philippians.

In chapter one he calls the Philippian Christians “partners together with him in the Gospel” (1:5). As believers in Jesus Christ, loved by God, and saved from their sins, the Philippians devoted their lives to serving Christ and the Gospel. However, Paul, the founder of their church, had been arrested. He was being persecuted, and now they were facing persecution. They were scared and intimidated by their enemies. They started fighting among themselves.

So, the Apostle Paul writes them a letter both to remind them who they were and who God was calling them to be. And along the way, he explains how they can faithfully live out their calling.

He says many things, but I want to focus on the most important reason that they should have confidence going forward with their faith and calling. In chapter one he simply says, “He who began a good work in you is faithful, he will complete it.” (Phil. 1:6) Then, in the next chapter, he wrote, “Work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to do what pleases Him” (Phil 2:13).

The answer to our third question, how can we hope to become the people God has called us to be is simply this: God is the one who will do it.

Your job is to keep submitting yourself to God and to keep listening for the leading and guidance of the Holy Spirit. You must cooperate with the Spirit and work as hard as you can to do the good works God puts before you to do. But God is the one who can transform your heart and mind and make you more and more like Jesus. The Holy Spirit is the one who enables you to become the person God is calling you to be.

Looking back on my life, I can see that I never could have planned all the things that I’ve done or learned or accomplished on my own. I had many more weaknesses and limitations than I realized. And I made many mistakes as well.

But God has been very gracious to me and has led me all along the way. Through all the ups and downs, and despite my many failures and weaknesses, God taught me many things. I was humbled by my failures, but I learned from them. And through so many trials, God kept calling me back to himself and encouraging me to not give up.

And so I’ve learned, for me to fulfill my calling and to become the person God has called me to be, the most important thing is maintaining a close relationship with God. I must keep humbling myself, listening to others, asking for help when I need it, and keeping my eyes on Jesus. I am far from perfect, and sometimes I don’t know what I’m supposed to do next. But I trust God to complete the good work that he began in my life. I trust God to lead and guide me, and to make my life fruitful. And then I keep moving forward as best I can. 

Today, I’ve raised three questions for you to think about as you start the next chapter of your life: Who are you? Who do you want to become? And, how are you going to become the person God is calling you to be? You must answer these questions for yourself, but God’s answers are these:

Who are you? You are a dearly loved child of your Creator God. Your Father in heaven wants you to rest in his love and to know, love, and serve him in return.

Who does he want you to become? God wants you to become more and more like his Son, Jesus, and to use you to shine Christ’s light and love into this broken world through your good deeds and words of comfort, encouragement, and hope.

How are you going to become more like Christ? Only through the work of the Holy Spirit. You must set as your highest priority maintaining a close relationship with God by listening and cooperating with the Spirit in every way possible.

No one can do these things for you. We travel through life in community, but every great leader in the Bible, from Abraham to Moses, David, the prophets, Mary, Elizabeth, Jesus, Paul and all the apostles had their own personal relationship with God. And so my charge to you today is this: Seek God with your whole heart, mind, and strength and put the Lord first in every aspect of your life.

May our Lord Jesus Christ himself and God our Father, who loved us and by his grace gave us eternal encouragement and good hope, encourage your hearts and strengthen you in every good deed and word. —2 Thessalonians 2:16-17. Amen.

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by | June 14, 2024 · 7:54 am

To Speak Up or Not?

What Jesus’s example teaches us about integrity and courage

Jesus and the woman caught in adultery, depicted in the Chartres Cathedral

Sometimes what other people think, say, or do is very upsetting to me. But I don’t always know how to handle the situation. Should I say something? Should I ignore them? Do I dare risk their criticism or some other kind of backlash? I want to have the courage to speak up, but I don’t want to say or do something that I will regret later.

When I reflect on some disastrous interactions I’ve had in the past, I realize that some situations are just too fraught to speak openly. When I counsel my students in war-torn Myanmar, I have to remember that they might be imprisoned or killed for saying the wrong thing in public. In the family or at church, I want my voice to be heard, but I sure don’t want to alienate or cause irreparable damage unnecessarily. 

Recently, while searching for how to handle a situation that was disturbing me, I had the opportunity to pray with these discernment questions in the Chartres Cathedral. As I looked around at the stained-glass windows and sculptures of Jesus’ life ministry, I suddenly realized something. Now I know why the well-known guideline, “What would Jesus do?” isn’t always helpful. Jesus didn’t have just one way of responding to people with whom he disagreed or who were saying or doing something he found offensive. The context mattered, as did the person with whom he was interacting.

Sometimes Jesus spoke up, and other times he remained silent. Sometimes he was confrontational and spoke harshly, other times, he was gentle and kind. Sometimes he spoke with words, other times he let his actions speak for him. But no matter how he responded, he made his choices wisely and courageously, always in keeping with God’s values and priorities, whether he spoke up or not.  

  1. Jesus spoke up when moved by compassion. For example, on one Sabbath, Jesus wanted to heal a man with a shriveled hand, but the religious leaders forbade any “work” on the Sabbath. So, Jesus “asked them, ‘Which is lawful on the Sabbath: to do good or to do evil, to save life or to kill?’ But they remained silent. He looked around at them in anger and, deeply distressed at their stubborn hearts, said to the man, ‘Stretch out your hand.’ He stretched it out, and his hand was completely restored” (Mark 3:4-5). Sometimes, we have to speak up when those around us (e.g., leaders, friends, family) forget that God values justice and mercy above our human-made rules and regulations (Micah 6:8).
  2. Jesus was clever in his choice of words when it was too dangerous to speak directly. One time, the leaders tried to trap him in his words by asking him if Jews should pay taxes to the Roman government. Jesus saw through their hypocrisy, and cleverly answered by saying “Give to Caesar what is Caesar’s and to God what is God’s” (Mark 12:17). By doing so, he could sidestep the trap being laid for him without compromising his integrity. Sometimes, we have to be smart about what choose to say when others want to harm us.
  3. Jesus spoke up when his followers might have been confused or misled by their religious leaders. Once, while teaching, he said, “The teachers of the law and the Pharisees sit in Moses’ seat. So you must be careful to do everything they tell you. But do not do what they do, for they do not practice what they preach” (Matt. 23:2-3, NIV). Sometimes, we have to speak up when our leaders are betraying godly values by their behavior for the sake of those who are at risk of following their bad example.
  4. Jesus knew how to skillfully defuse volatile situations by speaking the truth while avoiding direct confrontation with dangerous people. In the well-known story of the woman caught in adultery, Jesus both circumvents the trap set for him by the religious leaders and protects a vulnerable person at the same time. Jesus said, “‘Let anyone among you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.’ And once again he bent down and wrote on the ground. When they heard it, they went away, one by one…. Jesus straightened up and said to her, ‘Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?’ She said, ‘No one, sir.’ And Jesus said, “Neither do I condemn you. Go your way, and from now on do not sin again’” (John 8:6-11). Sometimes, we have to calculate the risks of speaking directly and find creative ways to speak and live by our faith and values.
After his arrest, Jesus evades the questions of the religious leaders,
curtly responds to Pilate, and completely refuses to answer Herod (Luke 23).
  1. Jesus remained silent when he knew there was nothing to be gained by speaking up. After Jesus had been arrested, “the high priest stood up before them and asked Jesus, ‘Are you not going to answer? What is this testimony that these men are bringing against you?’ But Jesus remained silent and gave no answer” (Mark 14:60-61). Likewise, when he was brought before King Herod, he refused to answer his questions (Luke 23:9). Sometimes, silence is the best response to people who aren’t looking for the truth or who are just looking for an excuse to condemn or hurt you.
  2. Jesus spoke up most loudly by his actions, with or without words. Jesus once said of himself, “The Son of Man came not to be served, but to serve, and to give his life a ransom for many” (Mark 10:45). And that’s how he lived, day after day. And that’s why he was willing to sacrifice all for the sake of those who put their faith in him. Sometimes, action, not words, is our most powerful way to “speak up”. How we love others is how we best reflect the light of Jesus Christ in contexts full of darkness and evil.

Discerning how and when to speak up often isn’t easy. In the situation that led me to seek God’s wisdom so earnestly while in France, the answer eventually came. I had to speak up. I am bending over backwards to do so in the most constructive way, but I could not let my fear of judgment or rejection make me hide or pretend that I was fine with what was happening. I still don’t know how it is all going to turn out, but I feel peaceful and confident that I did (and am doing) the right thing by speaking up.

May God give you the wisdom you need to discern where, when, and how you need to speak up in your life, and then courage and strength to do with integrity.

In the Chartres Cathedral, Jesus is seated on the great throne of Judgement in the West rose window, holding out his nail pierced hands. God has appointed him to be our Judge (2 Tim. 4:1), but he judges as one who bled and died to save those who put their faith in him.

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by | December 12, 2013 · 7:00 am

Good Happy? Bad Happy?

Kids on the streets of Yangon, Myanmar
Kids on the streets of Yangon, Myanmar

Ever had to try to explain to a 15 year old why glue sniffing is a bad idea? I have. Now, imagine trying to do so when he doesn’t speak much English, lives on the street without parents, has been glue sniffing regularly for four years, and loves doing so because it makes him happy! I wondered, how in the world am I going to get through to this kid? I needed to find a simple but effective way to talk about the risks and consequences of drug abuse, while acknowledging that he may indeed feel happier when he uses glue in the moment. As I thrashed about considering various strategies, the concept of “good happy” versus “bad happy” emerged out of prayer one morning. Chances are, you have never been tempted to sniff glue, and never will be. However, you probably know what it’s like to seek out or settle for a “bad happy”–enjoying a “feel good” in the moment that you later regretted or caused suffering for others. Think about the times, for example, that you made an impulsive purchase on your credit card, took one too many drinks at the party, got something off your chest in a cruel or thoughtless way, betrayed a friendship by passing on juicy gossip, looked for comfort or satisfaction from the wrong kind of entertainment, or indulged in some other self-gratifying behavior that threatened to destroy or undermine something or some relationship you really cared about. Maybe you did feel happy or happier for awhile, but, if you’re honest, you will also admit that it wasn’t a “good happy”. Your experience wasn’t something that left a clean, joyful feeling that nourished your soul and enriched your storehouse of memories. Whatever you did wound up hurting you or someone else, and the fallout from your actions was anything but happy. If you’re struggling with making poor choices that wind up being a “bad happy”, there are some things you can do to turn your life around.

  1. Think about the choices you’re making. What did it cost you last time you gave in to your impulse or desire, and what is it costing you to live this way?
  2. Make a conscious decision. Instead of just going with your feeling or desire in the moment, force yourself to deliberately choose a course of action, and explain to yourself why you are deciding as you are. When you hear yourself talk, do you buy your rationale? If someone else came to you with the same line of reasoning, what would you say to him or her?
  3. Get ahead of the temptation, and make alternative plans. When tempted to go for the “bad happy” choice, ask yourself if there is another way, a healthier way, for you to have your needs met. What else could you do to bring a smile to your face and joy to your heart that you won’t regret later?
  4. Structure your life differently. What could you do to re-structure your life to provide more support for the good decisions you want to make? Perhaps you need to find new places to go in your free time, new friends, new forms of recreation, a small group, accountability partners, or something or someone else who can help you to stay on track more consistently. In the case of the glue-sniffing street kid that we were trying to help, we found him a job, a new place to live with a caring family, and provided regular check-ins with caring adults, new routines and structures that are minimizing his opportunities for drug abuse and are helping to meet many of his needs in healthy ways.
  5. Focus on giving rather than receiving. Of course, you want to feel the warmth and joy of being loved, but when you focus mostly on loving others first, so much of what you thought you were looking for from someone else is likely to come to you in the giving. The more you focus on loving without expectation of return, the more you can avoid much of the disappointment, frustration, conflict, and even anger that floods you—and often sets you up to seek a “bad happy”—when others don’t give to you what you were hoping for.
Nativity sculpture in the Chartres Cathedral, France
Nativity sculpture in the Chartres Cathedral, France

“Good Happy” Holidays Whether your holidays are times of high expectations for joy and love for you, a dreaded time of loneliness and conflict, or something in the middle between these two extremes, it is a particularly good time to think about “good happy” versus “bad happy” as you make your plans for the holidays. For me, the best happy I know comes when I have spent sufficient time just talking to God about my life, my desires, my questions, my longing, and all the people and all that matters most to me. Sometimes I will simply focus on how much God loves me or on what it means that God took the form of a human being in Jesus, and that he gave his life so generously to others, even to the point of dying for us. When I genuinely seek to be close to God, alone or amid others, I feel something deeper than “happy”. Sometimes it is pure joy. Other times I feel at peace and content, and the drive to seek “bad happy” dissipates. Sometimes I find this place of peace and joy through silence and solitude in prayer. Sometimes, it’s worship that re-orients me and frees me to let go of selfishness and wrong-headed behavior. Other times, it’s doing something for someone else with no other expectation than inner satisfaction for doing good, or maybe hoping to see a smile cross their face or light up their eyes. You have heard it said many times, “Let’s not forget the reason for the season,” and “Be sure to keep Christ in your Christmas.” These are not just clichés. These words are wise counsel to help you lift your eyes off of yourself to the one whose life, death, and resurrection have given us an opportunity to experience life in ways not possible otherwise. You have to find for yourself what spiritual practices and lifestyle choices produce the “good happy” your heart most desires and that fits with Christ’s calling on your life. But before you plunge headlong into the holiday activities, pause for a moment. Think about what you can learn from your life experience. Make conscious decisions about how you want to go forward. Find good alternatives to the poor choices you are likely to be tempted to make. Structure your life in supportive ways. Focus on giving rather than receiving. Above all, seek to be as close to God as possible, as often as possible, and in every way possible. Take time, multiple times, to focus on Jesus this Christmas, so that your heart and mind will be nurtured by the only enduring Source of life, love, and contentment—the best possible “good happy” you could ever experience. [Jesus said,] Come to me, all you who are weary and heavy burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. (Matthew 11:28) I have come that [you] may have life, and have it to the full. (John 10:10, NIV)

Icon of Jesus and child
Icon of Jesus comforting a child

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by | July 16, 2013 · 12:57 pm

Stepping Out in Faith

Myanmar Institute of Theology faculty and students seeking God's guidance
Myanmar Institute of Theology faculty and students seeking God’s guidance

What important decision lies before you right now? How are you going to decide what you’re going to do, and how willing are you to step out of your comfort zone to reach for what you really want or feel called to pursue? If you’re considering a major life change, John Wesley’s four-legged stool is still a very valuable guideline for any discernment process. This model seeks to balance input from Scripture, reason, tradition, and your Christian experience. You would ask yourself: “What does Scripture say about this idea or issue? What wisdom can I draw from my elders and tradition? What makes sense when I think the matter all the way through? What have I learned from my experience that might inform me now, especially as it relates to trying to listen and cooperate with the Holy Spirit? [1] Then, without neglecting the standard guidelines, often you will still need to venture beyond what you can know from Scripture, reason, tradition, and past experience. Every situation is unique, and important life-affecting decisions often require “real time” assessment of all the variables involved (who’s affected, cost to you, resources available, opportunities, priorities, capability, motivation, support, etc.). Sometimes, the Spirit may prompt you to do something unheard of or completely creative, not found in Scripture, not tried in your tradition, and perhaps quite unreasonable to reasonable folks. If the proposed idea doesn’t “make sense” by your way of thinking, ask yourself, are there compelling reasons to step into uncharted territory anyway? Without killing your enthusiasm, what safeguards need to be put into place that will limit the risks but will not undermine the new venture? A Risky Venture When I decided to leave my role as Executive Director of Family Hope Services (TreeHouse) to develop a global teaching ministry, I didn’t know if I was following a calling, a dream, or a fantasy. I was pretty sure that I needed to get back to teaching and more direct ministry, but what was the best way to do so? I didn’t want to go backwards to a conventional teaching role just because it seemed a safer route. But, how could I be sure that my being creative and taking a risk was truly going forward and not actually running away from the demands of my current position?  Would others judge me courageous or foolish?

On the Camino, trying to discern God's leading
On the Camino, trying to discern God’s leading

So many questions and self-doubts swirled in my head, but I was willing to take all the risks if I could just be sure that the Spirit was guiding me. Yet, such confirmation did not come before I had to make a decision. I knew I had to make a change, and I was willing to strike out on my own. I finally concluded that even if I could not answer all my questions with certainty, I would have to trust that God would guide me as I explored and experimented along the way.

However, at the same time, my move was not a blind leap. I had already made three trips to Bulgaria where I taught pastors and spouses and did some leadership coaching with very positive results. Over the previous decade I had developed numerous workshops, courses, and written resources. I sought the counsel of others, and conducted two more experimental mission trips, one to Myanmar and the other to the Democratic Republic of the Congo. Finally, the enthusiastic response we received from each venture, combined with affirmation and support from our home church, prompted us to take the next major step.

In 2008, we created Faith, Hope, and Love Global Ministries (www.fhlglobal.org), a 501(c)(3) non-profit ministry as a vehicle for sending us and providing accountability, and we ventured forth. Over the past five years there have been many ups and downs and surprises, but as time goes on our step of faith has been confirmed repeatedly as we have now taught and ministered in Rwanda, the Congo, Ukraine, France, Vietnam, and Myanmar. So, on we go, more and more sure of our calling, and yet never knowing for sure if the decision we are making at any given point is from the Spirit or not.

A Dream Realized: Teaching at the Myanmar Institute of Theology in Yangon
A Dream Realized: Teaching at the Myanmar Institute of Theology in Yangon

Don’t Be Afraid

When it comes to stepping out in faith, how willing are you to get out of the box to try something new, creative, or otherwise unheard of and unexpected? Truly, discerning the will of God can be a complex subject, requiring a lot of thought and prayer. In seeking to learn how to listen to and cooperate with the Spirit, you should expect to stumble, get confused, make mistakes, and sometimes be completely fooled at times. If you’re self-aware and honest enough, you may never have complete assurance that what you’re thinking or feeling is truly from God, or whether the decision you made came from the Spirit or from some other source. Nevertheless, at some point you have to make a decision. You have to take some action. You have to take a chance. No matter how thorough your discernment process may be, there will always come a point when you have to step out in faith without sure and certain knowledge of what God wants you to do. This is where you need to have some guts so that you don’t just take the safe option or choose a path with a small vision, and miss out on the full and fruitful life God intends for you. Is something holding you back from stepping out in faith in some important aspect of your life? If you haven’t done your homework, do that first. But if you’re just waiting for more signs or more certainty, you may never take action. Don’t be afraid. Be brave. Take the next step as best as you can discern it, and see what happens. David also said to Solomon his son, “Be strong and courageous, and do the work. Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the LORD God, my God, is with you. He will not fail you or forsake you until all the work … of the LORD is finished. (1 Chronicles 28:20, NIV)

[1] Many good books have been written on the subject of discerning the will of God, such as Elizabeth Liebert’s, The Way of Discernment: Spiritual Practices for Decision Making (2008).

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by | April 30, 2013 · 7:00 am

It’s a Question of Love

The voices. The voices. What do you do with all the voices in your head and conflicting motivations in your heart?

I’m not talking about grappling with audible sounds or crazy stuff. I’m referring to the many competing thoughts, feelings, and impulses that vie for your attention and make it difficult to confidently choose a good course of action. You may sincerely desire to be Spirit-led, but you aren’t sure whose voice is whose in your head.

“What am I supposed to think?”

On top of it, most of us are well aware of the power of self-deception, not to mention the lies and deceits of the devil. We know we’re fools if we think that every thought, “insight,” and impulse we have is sound and reliable, and are fooled if we believe our motives are always pure.

When torn between various inclinations, motivations, and ideas, what do you do? When seeking help from God, how do you differentiate the leading of the Spirit from all the other “voices”? Consider the following scenarios from the social domain of life:

  1. “To Give or Not to Give?” You see a homeless person on the street (or simply get a call from yet one more fundraiser), seeking money. One voice says, “Give.” Another says, “Look the other way.” Another voice judges the person asking. Still another speaks from your heart. What’s moving you? The God of compassion, basic human decency, unresolved guilt, fear, or something else altogether?
  2. “Why Am I Interested in Them?” You feel drawn to someone, but you’re experiencing a range of conflicting thoughts. Are you being moved by the Spirit, responding to a basic need for love or friendship, being driven by your physical desires, compensating for some unmet emotional needs, trying to avoid feeling so lonely, or what?
  3. “Why Am I So Smart?” You’re sure that you’ve got someone or something figured out. Has God given you insight and wisdom, or are you simply a perceptive and astute person? Are you seeing the person or situation clearly, or are you blindly projecting yourself or your desires on to others? Are you making a sound judgment or are you being influenced by unwarranted assumptions?

It’s a Question of Love

Amid the din of conflicting internal voices and our incessant tendency to want to serve ourselves, Jesus’ teaching on the priority of loving God, others, and ourselves offers a simple but extremely practical guideline (Mark 12:30-31). Make a habit of always asking yourself, “What about the Rule of Love?” As the Apostle Paul taught, always think about how you can put love into action by “look[ing] not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others” (Philippians 2:4). That’s love. Thinking about the impact of your words, attitudes, and actions on those your life touches, and choosing to put their best interest even ahead of your own. The rule is to make love the guiding principle in all you do.

Now, back to the hypothetical scenarios mentioned earlier. How would you apply the Rule of Love in the three situations? Here’s how I might do it.

  1. “To Give or Not to Give?” My suggestion: If you want to give, give. If you don’t, don’t. But regardless of whether or not you give something, love calls for treating the person with respect. If you choose to not give money, at least let your smile communicate that you see them as a fellow human being, loved by God. And if you do give (in this scenario or any other charitable endeavor), remind yourself that God has given you an opportunity to give to serve God’s purposes in ways that bring glory to God not yourself.
  2. “Why Am I Interested in Them?” Relationships are trickier. So many factors influence our interests in others, and every relationship is different. Here I will only make one suggestion. Remind yourself that you can best love others when you have experienced the love and grace of God for yourself, and when your relationship with others is not a substitute for the love you can only know in God. The less you “need” to love someone or be loved by him or her, the more free you will be to truly love others in ways that are life-giving rather than life-imprisoning or even destructive.
  3. “Why Am I So Smart?” There’s a difference between “judging” someone, behavior Jesus forbid; and “making a judgment” based on your perceptions and evaluation, our human responsibility for survival and good citizenship. Judging is prejudicially thinking you can know someone’s motives or evaluate their choices. Making a judgment, on the other hand, is carefully determining what is good, right, and true in a given situation. When you must make a judgment, remind yourself that love cares more about building up others and restoring broken relationships than “being right” and securing your identity or status vis-à-vis someone else’s.

I keep going back to the Rule of Love especially when I’m in the midst of a complicated or confusing social situation. I do so, not because I’m so loving or spiritually mature, but because on my own, I’m not.  I need help. I need a simple way to get the right perspective, quickly.

The Rule of Love may not give you a complete answer in every complex or confusing situation. Yet asking and praying with the question, “How are my actions an expression of God’s love for those God wants to love through me?” is what Spirit-led living is all about in its purest and simplest form. The more you ask yourself this question of love, the more you will be able to discern the Spirit’s voice amid all the other voices, and feel confident about how to proceed.

Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love… Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us. (1 John 4:7-8, 11-12, NIV)

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by | March 26, 2013 · 9:00 am

Use Your Head!

A friend of mine gathered his family of four around the television. It was a big day. Everyone was excited. The Holy Spirit had whispered in his ear that this would be a good week to buy lottery tickets. Millions of dollars would be such a huge blessing to this family encumbered with debt and college tuition looming. They would be sure to use some of it to advance the kingdom of God, too! Clutching their tickets, they could hardly wait for the show to begin. What a surprise (to them and no one else) when none of their numbers were selected. What went wrong?

Various
What was I thinking?
Various

We may raise our eyebrows at what seems like an obvious case of wishful thinking, but who hasn’t let their hopes make a monkey out of them at one time or another? We get so emotionally involved with what we’re doing that we spiritualize our own desires, biases, and preferences. We conclude that God is leading us forward when we are actually leading ourselves astray. Simon and Garfunkel sum up well this common human weakness in their hit song, The Boxer: “All lies and jests, still a man hears what he wants to hear and disregards the rest. Hmmm Hmmm. Hmmm.” What’s the remedy? Am I suggesting that you stop trusting the Holy Spirit to lead and guide you, contrary to what I argued in my previous essay, “Spirit-Led Living: A Simple Path”. No, not at all. Rather, I’m cautioning you against naiveté and false expectations. In any discernment process, instead of just going with your feelings and what you want to be true, you need to prayerfully use your head, too. Learning the hard way It started with an overwhelming sense of compassion and grief. None of the kids I met on the streets of Yangon had fathers. Begging for food was a daily occurrence. One orphan boy had been living on the street for much of the past three years. Their clothes were filthy, their bodies skin and bones. Was I being called to give them the helping hand they needed in order to transform their lives? Soon, everything seemed to be falling into place. We were successful at getting two of the kids off the streets and into homes, and three of them back into school. They looked so proud in their new school uniforms, and seemed so eager to ride their new bikes to school. It felt great to be doing something so concrete and meaningful for the poorest of the poor.

Various
Trying to sort out the truth
Various

Four months later, I found out that the kids had been lying to me about having to pay school fees. School is free for children in Myanmar, but no one told me; and when someone did, I chose to believe the kids and their ready explanations over the adults who knew better. Then I found out that they were lying about going to school at all. Some of them actually did go to school occasionally, but I eventually found out that the one who I thought was my star pupil had been lying from the beginning. They were using the “school money” for food, games, movies, gambling, and sometimes drugs (glue). If you’re thinking, “What did you expect? You should have known better,” you are simply making the point of this essay. Yes, I should have known better, but I was too driven by my own emotions, personal needs, and desires. I wanted to believe that we were making more progress than we actually were. I didn’t check up on them as I should have, and blinded myself to what I should have been able to see. We’ve now addressed the issues, and have made the necessary corrections in how we are going to work with the kids going forward. We hope to not make the same mistakes in the future, but the past six months have taught me again how easy it is to fool yourself. No matter how experienced you may be, how knowledgeable, how prayerful, or how full of love and compassion, there simply is no substitute for paying attention to what is truly going on, facing the truth, and thinking through what you’re doing. The balance Are you struggling with confusion, disappointment, frustration, or hurt from some actions you’ve taken that you thought were prompted by God, but now question? If so, maybe you need to make some adjustments to your discernment process. Don’t over-react, but don’t miss the learning opportunity either. If you feel yourself in the grips of emotion or driven by your desires to the point that you or others are starting to question your judgment, maybe you need to take a step back and take an honest look at what’s going on. For the sake of those you care about, for your sake, and for the sake of whatever work you are doing for Christ in the world, beware of just believing what you want to believe. Pray more, not less, but don’t expect answers to come in the form of sentimental feelings and implausible revelations. And don’t expect the Holy Spirit’s inspiration and guidance to replace your responsibility to think through your course of action. Ask God to guide you through your rational thought process as well as through your feelings and desires. Listen to those who know you well and who can be a bit more objective. Face whatever truth the Spirit wants to reveal to you, and use your head. Jesus said, “Be wise as serpents, innocent as doves” (Matthew 10:16). And,  “Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Will he not first sit down and estimate the cost to see if he has enough money to complete it?” (Luke 14:28).

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by | November 27, 2012 · 6:00 am

Between Sundays—Spirit-Led Living in Ordinary Life

U Zaw

U Zaw (pronounced oo zo) teaches and mentors poor, teenage boys who work for Helping Hands, a small social service program in Yangon, Myanmar. Annie Bell, the wife of an British diplomat, started this skills-development outreach several years ago. A deeply compassionate woman, Annie has generously opened her heart and home to these boys and to many other individuals in response to the overwhelming poverty and needs that surround her.

As Annie’s right hand man, U Zaw is responsible to teach 20 boys and young men how to refurbish furniture for resale. He’s there to help them develop marketable skills; and, just as important, he quickly adds, character. Most of those who work at Helping Hands are fatherless, with huge voids in their lives. U Zaw is genuinely concerned for each boy, and takes his mentoring role very seriously.

As a Christian, U Zaw’s faith is very important to him and is a source of inspiration for his work. I was surprised by his low impression of his own spiritual life.

Love for these kids oozed from his pores, and his dedication was manifestly obvious; but it was his wife that he praised. She is the one who truly loves Jesus, he told me somewhat sheepishly. She is the one who is committed to the church, he explained, obviously self-conscious about his own minimal participation. U Zaw works six days a week  and rarely has time to even attend a weekly worship service, let alone any other church activity. He clearly feels bad about his lack of church involvement.

We only had a few minutes, but there was no way I was going to walk away without commenting. The measure of our spiritual vitality goes well beyond what we believe or how much time we spend in Bible Study or church. Spirituality is also—maybe chiefly—about how we live out our faith between Sundays. I had to tell him what I saw in his love and dedication for those kids, that his heart and actions shouted a living spirituality and were beautiful expressions of what it means to follow Christ in ordinary life.

Sandra Schneiders, professor emerita in the Jesuit School of Theology at the Graduate Theological Union in Berkely, California and pioneer in the academic study of spirituality, captures well the interplay of belief, relationship to God, and relationship to the rest of humanity. Schneiders defines spirituality as one’s “lived experience” of faith.[1] Spirituality, then, is not just belief, on one extreme, or a collection of religious experiences, on the other; and it certainly isn’t the accumulation of religious activities. Rather, our spiritual life is grounded in God’s activity on our behalf, is enlivened by our response of faith, and is marked by our experience of seeking to live out the faith in myriad ways, affecting every dimension of our life.[2]

Please don’t misunderstand me. We need to worship, and we need spiritual disciplines to strengthen and encourage us as we seek to follow Christ. Personally, I depend on guidance and inspiration from reading my Bible, fellowshipping with other Christians, singing, worshipping God, and praying.

Yet, between Sundays, the real measure of our spirituality is in how we live out our faith in the context of our daily life. It’s in how we fulfill our duties and responsibilities, and in how we treat one another. We must resist the temptation to measure our spiritual maturity by how much we’ve learned intellectually, how many spiritual practices we observe, or even how many spiritual “highs” we may have experienced. Instead, what matters most is how much we let the love of God move us and flow out of us toward others.

As I turned to go, U Zaw began shaking my hand vigorously, a huge smile spreading across his face. It was apparent that no one had ever explained to him what spiritual vitality looked like in the life of a humble, sincere follower of Christ. “You must come back and talk to me again!” he insisted. “I want you to meet my wife, too!” I would be happy to do so, I thought. You’re just the kind of person I want to be around.

 “And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.” (1 Corinthians 13:13)

[1] Sandra Schneiders, “The Discipline of Christian Spirituality and Catholic Theology,” in Exploring Christian Spirituality: Essays in Honor of Sandra M. Schneiders, IHM,” ed. By Bruce H. Lescher and Elizabeth Liebert (New York: Paulist Press, 2006), p 200.

[2] Adapted from my book, One Step at a Time: A Pilgrim’s Guide to Spirit-Led Living (Herndon, Virginia: The Alban Institute, 2008), p. 6.

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by | September 27, 2010 · 2:00 am

Just Do It! Oh, really? (5 of 6)

Dialogue with the Disillusioned: Why Keep Praying. Article 5.

(Climbing in Finnisterre, Spain)

The really sad thing here is that these “wiser, deeper, more thoughtful Christians” [to whom you refer in your online response to Thinkingwomanmillstone] still believe that the supreme being of all reality is sitting around giving them advice on how to turn lemons into lemonade, instead of being aware that they are doing it themselves through mature reflection on their experience; that they, not a figment of their imagination, are coming up with their own solution for their problem.

After all, practically speaking, how does what you describe functionally differ from what I describe? No gods, just people working it out using guts and common sense — and a crutch they don’t really need in the place of a self-confidence they don’t yet have.

A self-confidence people like you actively work to keep them from developing, striving instead to keep them dependent on a being that, as far as anyone actually knows, does not exist. (GalapagosPete, 6/10/10)*

In 2009, Hollywood produced its own critical take on religion and the human impulse to put their faith in God in the movie, The Answer Man. The main character, Arlen Faber is a national sensation—a much sought after religions guru, who captured 10% of the “God-market” after publishing his best-selling book, God and Me.

Turns out, though, that his claim to have heard from God is a lie. In fact, he is actually a disillusioned, cynical, dishonest jerk. Faber sells religion to make money, but doesn’t believe his own teaching, and certainly doesn’t live by it. As one disappointed fan of God and Me—and former fan of Faber—remarks at one point in the story, “He may have written the book, but he sure didn’t read it!”

From the screenwriter’s disillusionment comes a perspective on religion and life that says, in effect:  “Everyone suffers in life, and God—if there is one—won’t help. No one truly hears from God, so don’t expect answers to your prayers, and certainly don’t listen to those who claim to know anything about God. Instead, listen to your heart, and believe in what you can do on your own.”

Such an angry rejection of faith and a brave, romantic reliance on human potential may be understandable and even inspiring to some, but remains unsatisfying to me and inadequate for most people. The assumptions of these “secular humanists” (as philosophers would call them) are naïve and their hope illusory. They may be right to be skeptical of any religious system, but too quick to reject belief in God. They arrogantly take faith in their own abilities, and too easily shortchange the value of seeking a meaningful relationship with God. Ultimately, such faith in self is based on a lie, because it simply cannot deliver on its promise of relieving angst and creating a better world.

So, what’s the alternative? Taking God out of the equation certainly isn’t the answer. Rather, the solution is to let God transform your heart and mind by his love and grace, and to let your life and work in the world flow out of spiritual vitality rooted in Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit. Hope for the world will never come from secular humanism, a religious system, or any ideology, but only from humble human beings who are committed to serving God out a living relationship with God.

Such spiritual vitality begins by seeing yourself as a beloved creation of a good Creator, who has provided a Savior to meet your deepest needs that you cannot meet on your own. Believe that you are designed to know, love, and serve a personal God, who calls you to know, love, and serve others. Then, the more you experience the love and grace of God for yourself, you will actually gain greater capacity to show that love and grace to others as well.

Such a vision for life will help you to get beyond your own self-centeredness to want to serve God’s good purposes for your life, and to join God wherever the Spirit is at work doing good. Without such a vision, most of your noble intentions and humanistic ideals for society are going to collapse rather quickly when you don’t get what you want or need. Without this kind of personal relationship with God, you simply are not going to have enough to draw on within yourself to sustain your good intentions.

No matter how smart, capable, dedicated, or “lucky” you may be, you still need God. You need God’s Spirit to cultivate a heart of love within you. You need Christ to show you how to move beyond selfishness to true devotion to the well-being of others (including those you already love the most). And you need the Holy Spirit to lead you, to guide you, and to empower you to use your abilities, opportunities, and resources in ways that best fit God’s good purposes.

Seeking to know, love, and serve God is not about using belief in God as a crutch when you should be learning how to rely on yourself more, as if they were mutually exclusive options. Rather, maximizing human potential calls for doing all you can to grow personally and to develop your self-confidence in the context of seeking the kind of relationship with God that will be truly life-giving and service-empowering.

You don’t have to choose between faith in God and developing yourself, then. You just need to wisdom to know what part God plays, and what part you play, and how God and you can best work together to do what you simply cannot do on your own.

“My brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of any kind, consider it nothing but joy, because you know that the testing of your faith produces endurance; and let endurance have its full effect, so that you may be mature and complete, lacking in nothing. If any of you is lacking in wisdom, ask God, who gives to all generously and ungrudgingly, and it will be given you. But ask in faith…” (James 1:306a, NRSV)

A Prayer

“Loving Creator, thank you for helping me to better understand who I am and what my place is among others in this world. Please continue to help me to grow fully into the person you intend for me to become, and to develop the kind of relationship with you that most honors you and best serves your good purposes. Teach me when to rely fully on you, when to stand on my own two feet as a healthy adult, and how to integrate these two kinds of confidence in one Spirit-led person.”

*To read the original Huffington Post article that prompted this and other responses from bloggers, click here, “When Prayer Makes a Difference in Suffering.”

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