Tag Archives: despair

A Time to Grieve

Sometimes weeping is exactly what we most need to do. (A Biblical Reflection for Holy Week)

The Pieta in a frieze depicting Mary’s grief (In the choir, Chartres Cathedral, France)

In the biblical book of Ecclesiastes, the preacher writes: “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: a time to be born and a time to die… a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance…” (3:1,4).

So, what time is it? What time is it for those living in places like Myanmar, Eastern Congo, Ukraine, Gaza, and many other places around the world, for those whose lives are consumed by unimaginable hardship, violence, and loss due to war, earthquakes, famines and other apocalyptic like disasters? What time is it in America? What time is it for you?

For me, there is not one simple answer. On one hand, the problems and suffering of the world call me to take my responsibility as a global citizen all the more seriously, to look for more ways to support my brothers and sisters in Christ around the world, to speak out against injustice at home and abroad, to protect the vulnerable and abused, to share the Gospel with those who do not know the hope that comes through Jesus, and to link arms with others who are trying to exhibit the love of Christ in concrete ways to those in need.

At yet, sometimes it all feels like too much. Sometimes weeping is exactly what I most need to do. And it’s not just me. One of my closest colleagues in Myanmar, who does more than anyone I know to help others in need, wrote to me after the 7.7 magnitude earthquake and admitted, “Sometimes I feel very depressed.” Another colleague from Ukraine confided to me, “I am war fatigued, to say the least.” At such times, as much as I would like to bury my painful feelings, run away, or just collapse in weariness, what I usually need most is to stop trying to help anyone else for a moment and take some time to grieve.

  • By grieving, I release the tremendous pain I feel before it explodes inside me or utterly depresses me.
  • By grieving, I can feel and not forget how much I loved whomever or whatever I lost.
  • By grieving, I can rage against the powers of death and destruction, refusing to be defeated by evil.
  • By grieving, I feel the depth of my frustration and tap into my determination to live.   
  • By grieving, I admit to myself, “So much is out of my control. There’s so much I would like to have been able to do but couldn’t.”
  • By grieving, I give up expecting unrealistic miracles. Instead, I reach the end of myself and reach out to God and others for the comfort and strength I need.

On Good Friday, Christians remember the awful day when evil forces conspired to kill Jesus. In the photo you see, Mary, the mother of Jesus, is depicted with her hands outstretched, her face contorted with grief, and her eyes turned heavenward. Her beloved son, Jesus, had just been brutally nailed to a cross, executed for daring to challenge the religious authorities, who were blind to God’s working through his life and indifferent to the needs of the poor, needy, and vulnerable.

In her moment of unimaginable pain, with Jesus’s lifeless body draped over her knee, Mary could only see and feel her great loss. She didn’t know that resurrection was coming. Even if she had all the faith in the world, the horror of it all remains. What must it have been like for Jesus’s poor mother? What is it like for those burying their dead in Mandalay, in bombed out villages, in IDP camps? For those who are still searching for lost ones, who have disappeared or are presumed dead under the rubble of fallen buildings?

I only imagine how great their grief must be. But I do know this. For those who turn to God amid their pain and loss, and for those who put their faith in Jesus Christ, they do not “grieve… as those who have no hope” (1 Thess. 4:13). Why not? Because through a relationship with Jesus Christ, we do have hope. Hope that we are not alone or abandoned by our Creator. Hope for life after death—not just a reincarnation into another life of suffering, but eternal life with new bodies, hearts, and minds, re-created to live in fellowship with God forever. This promise is for all those who know and love their Creator and who put their faith Jesus Christ as their Savior and Lord. It’s by Christ’s sacrificial death that we are forgiven. It’s by the Holy Spirit that our hearts and minds are renewed. And it’s by believing that we are saved (Romans 8:1-6; 10:9-10).

That’s the hope we as Christians live by. But for this holy week, we must pass through Good Friday first. The night is so very dark, and our tears flow. It’s a time to grieve.

With the love of Jesus Christ,

Dr. Tim

Next time, I will write about “The Journey to Joy”.

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The Light of Day

Why keeping our eyes on Jesus is so helpful

What do you think? Is the sun rising or setting in this photo? Without context, it’s not always so easy to tell the time of day.

Likewise, when darkness casts a thick shadow over our personal lives, or over our country and so many other places around the world, we may feel confused and uncertain about what’s really happening. What does all this turmoil, violence, and destruction mean for us and the people we care about? Is the light we’ve been depending on going to keep shining, get brighter, or God-forbid, go out altogether?

Personally, I’ve been going through all the stages of grief lately (shock, bargaining, anger, depression–but not yet acceptance) over the cataclysmic changes in my own country and all the upheaval and fallout globally. As I’ve written about before, I especially feel a lot of empathy for my students, colleagues, and friends trying to cope with ongoing, unimaginable oppression, abuse, and hardship in their war-torn contexts—especially those trying to survive in Eastern Congo, Myanmar, and along the Thai-Myanmar border, where I am serving now.

But this blog post is not about social and political problems, or even empathy for those who are suffering the most in our lives or around the world. It’s about how you and I can cope with the prevalence of darkness in our lives, especially when the light appears to be dimming in so many places for so many reasons for so many people. At times, I am tempted to despair. And you may be, too.

But I don’t. Despair, that is. And here’s the reason why.

The Apostle John wrote about him in the Bible, when he said:

“In him was life, and the life was the light of all people. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not overcome it” (John 1:4-5, NRSV).

John was speaking, of course, about the incarnation of God in the form of Jesus Christ. He was saying that Son of God came into this world to shine the light of God into our darkness. Despite appearances to the contrary at times, our Creator is good and does care for us. Regardless of how bleak our circumstances or how unloving or hurtful others may be, in Jesus, there is light. There is love. And there is hope.

The key is to know where to look for the light and how to let the light of Jesus shine more brightly in our hearts and minds. You may have your own way of drawing on the light of God, but in my experience, if I want more of God, I have to reach out to him as a matter of intentionality and discipline. I have to pay attention to what’s beautiful, good, and inspiring in creation and in my family and among my friends. I must surround myself with others who can encourage me with their experiences with God, especially my brothers and sisters in Christ who remind me that I’m not alone and that God does answer prayers. And then what probably helps me the most is getting outside myself to do something loving and kind for somebody else. When I help lighten the burdens of others or simply show up to encourage them in their distress, I often feel better. I intend to be a conduit of God’s love to them, but I wind up experiencing God’s love for me in the process. And the light in my life gets brighter for me as well as for them.

These are dark days for many people. Perhaps for you, too. But do not assume that the light in your life is about to go out. Suffering may be an unavoidable part of human experience, and great losses are inevitable for all of us in this life. However, John’s word of hope remains true: “In him was life, and the life was the light of all people. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not overcome it.”

May Jesus be the Light of your day today and shine more and more brightly in your heart and mind in the days ahead.

With love always,
Dr. Tim

Photo: Sun rising in Chiang Mai, Thailand.

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