Coping with Overwhelming Distress

Part One: Self-Compassion

Are you tired of feeling angry, sad, or hopeless so much of the time? I sure am.

When I returned from Thailand in June, I came home very tired. I was grateful for all the opportunities I had had to teach and minister to refugees and church leaders along the Myanmar-Thai border, but I felt stressed and worn out. The needs were great, and I felt my limitations keenly. Then, as I saw with horror what was happening in my own country, as well as in many other places around the world, my distress began multiplying. My peace and joy dissipated. I was angry most of the time, and I increasingly felt like I was fighting a losing battle.

For my own sanity and well-being, I needed to do something different. But what?

Over the next couple months, I’m going to be writing about some of what I’ve been learning about coping with overwhelming distress. Starting with this post, I’m going to be sharing three strategies that have been helpful to me personally. I hope that they will also be useful to you as well.

Strategy #1: Be self-compassionate. Take loving care of yourself and look to God to refresh your heart and mind.

The Psalmist (King David) tells us that in his times of distress he found what he needed in his relationship with God, whom he knew as his loving shepherd. In the now famous Psalm 23, the first few verses go like this:

“The LORD is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul” (Psalm 23:1-3a, NIV).

David didn’t criticize himself for feeling afraid, overwhelmed, or discouraged by his circumstances. He also didn’t try to tough it out or shame himself for needing comfort or help from God. No, in his distress, David acknowledged his needs and reached out to his Shepherd for the restoration and refreshment he could not provide for himself in the same way.

As I prayed for wisdom to know what would help me in my distress this summer, the answer came fairly quickly. Contrary to the voices that sometimes creep into my head, the answer was not to “suck it up,” chastising myself for being weak. Shaming myself for complaining when the IDPs (internally displaced people) and refugees have it so much worse than I would only drain me of whatever energy I still had. Pushing harder and trying to do more was not going to help either. That would only burn me out.

Instead, what I most needed was to be kind to myself. I needed to see how very distressed and troubled I was feeling, and to respond to myself with compassion. Just as I have often tried to be gracious and generous to others amid their suffering, it was time for me to show the same empathy and consideration toward myself. And the result has been transformative.

Slowing my pace and resting more has been healing. Playing sports has been fun, and working out regularly has made me feel better physically and emotionally. Walking in the forest, boating on the lake, or just being out in nature as much as possible has been nourishing and literally a breath of fresh air. Enjoying time with family and friends has satisfied my cravings for love and affection. And getting alone to think, write in my journal, pray, read the Bible, or just sit and listen to music has been so helpful. I need to stay grounded to (re)gain and maintain perspective. It’s how I stay connected to my Shepherd as well as to myself.

By tending to my needs in these ways, I wasn’t giving up on those I cared about and have been called to serve. Not at all. I have been exercising self-compassion. I’ve been treating myself kindly and tapping into the many resources God has provided for my nourishment, enjoyment, and renewal—both for my sake and for the sake of all those God has entrusted into my care.

How about you? How are you coping with your anger, weariness, and anguish these days? 

When you take care of yourself in the ways God intends for you, it’s not self-indulgence, self-pity, or self-centeredness. It’s self-compassion, which flows from the very heart of your loving Shepherd, who sees you in your distress and wants to make you lie down in green pastures and lead you beside still, restorative waters. The Lord doesn’t only care about what you do for others. He also cares about you and wants you to believe that you, too, are worthy of kindness and compassion.

So, take good care, beloved ones…

With the love of Jesus Christ,

Dr. Tim

For more spiritual resources: https://fhlglobal.org/resource-library/