Coping with Overwhelming Distress

Part Two: Be Constructive

In my previous blog post, I talked about the importance of self-compassion as a key strategy in coping with overwhelming distress in our lives. In this post, I offer a second strategy, which I’ve observed among those who are successfully managing the stresses of living in war zones and refugee camps. This strategy has also been very helpful to me personally when I feel overwhelmed by the magnitude of horrors and need in my own country and around the world.

Strategy #2: “Be constructive. Focus on what you can do (not on what you can’t).”

Sometimes, the staggering needs of others feels crushing to me. I see the horrible things happening all over the world. I certainly want to help, but I don’t know where to start or how I could possibly make a lasting difference. It seems that whatever I do will only be a drop in the bucket in an ocean full of suffering and need. I start to feel overwhelmed, and my emotional distress gets bigger and bigger.

But Jesus showed us by his example that we don’t have to respond this way.

There’s a story in the Gospels that says so much about who Jesus was and how we might respond to the immense needs of others today. Jesus and his disciples had given so much of themselves in their ministries. They were hungry, tired, and needed a break. On top of it, Jesus was reeling from the tragic death of his cousin and fellow evangelist, John the Baptizer, who had been cruelly beheaded by King Herod. As they made their way by boat across the Sea of Galilee in search of a quiet place to rest, they discovered a huge crowd of people who had traveled by land ahead of them. And this is how Jesus responded:

“When Jesus landed and saw a large crowd, he had compassion on them, because they were like sheep without a shepherd. So he began teaching them many things” (Mark 6:34).

When Jesus saw how needy the people were, his heart went out to them. And then he took action. In this situation, he responded by teaching them many things, which would have included how God loved them and called them to trust and obey God’s will for their lives, and he would have explained what that meant in practice in their marriages, families, and communities. On other occasions, he would heal the sick, cast out demons, advocate on behalf of the oppressed, work miracles, provide forgiveness, or simply offer a kind, gracious comment or gesture toward someone who needed mercy or encouragement.

What he didn’t do was let himself become overwhelmed by the immensity of their need or by the widespread suffering caused by injustice, oppression, and lack of adequate spiritual guidance. No matter how distressed he may have been by what he saw that day on the shore and throughout his lifetime, he kept his focus on God and on what he could do to help. He didn’t allow the extent of the problems throughout society or the evil deeds of others to undermine his own faith and his zeal for fulfilling God’s good purposes for his life.

None of us is Jesus, but with God’s help, we can learn to detach from feeling so overwhelmed by all the needs and suffering in the world. Through prayer and the Holy Spirit’s working in our hearts and minds, we can replace our anxious stewing with compassion, which sees and cares about the concerns of others but does not take on emotional burdens that do not belong to us. Instead of sinking under the weight of our distress, we can instead focus on taking action as the Holy Spirit leads and enables us. We will assess our abilities, knowledge, skills, resources, and opportunities that God gives us, and then take action.

One of my theological students (pictured on the far left above), whose home state in Myanmar is currently being torn apart by war, posted this advice online recently: “Think positive. Act positive.” He’s right on, of course. While he could easily succumb to self-pity or overwhelming distress from all the horrors and destruction his people are experiencing, he is choosing to maintain a positive mental attitude and to put his energy into constructive action. For example, he cares for his widowed mother, looks after four younger siblings, and has organized a dormitory for high school aged students from his ethnic group, who live and attend school inside one of the refugee camps in Thailand, all while taking courses at the seminary where I teach. Think positive. Act positive. It makes a difference.

Of course, every time I read about another bombing, more families driven into the jungles, or someone else mistreated or killed, my heart breaks or my anxiety spikes. But I’ve learned the hard way that I just can’t afford to let someone else’s tragedy turn into an emotional catastrophe for me. Taking on too much responsibility for the problems of others doesn’t help them, and it only hurts me.

As you continue to search for ways to cope better with your overwhelming distress, don’t be afraid to feel compassion for those in need or who are suffering greatly. But learn how to care without being crushed. Let go of trying to carry something you were never meant to carry. Instead, think positive and act positive. Focus on what you can do, not on what you can’t.

May God guide you and enable you to let go of what is beyond your control and give you peace as you live, love and serve as God intends for you to do.

With the love of Jesus Christ,

Dr. Tim